I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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