I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
