He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
