i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize