Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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