i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
