I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
