I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
