We're like a lot better than the average bears
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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