Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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