Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My life is pants optional.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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