Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize