I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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