I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
