I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Damn victory sex feels great
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
