Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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