i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just googled if crying burns calories
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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