Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
