got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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