I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just invented taco cereal.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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