i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
