need another drink. this is the easiest way
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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