So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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