What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
