my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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