Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
