Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize