I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
