Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
