Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
whose parrot is this?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize