just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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