After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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