so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize