the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
