I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
