don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize