Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
