Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
