The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
