Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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