Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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