Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
