Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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