I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
