I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
