i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
