no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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