Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
