so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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