i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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