I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
