Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
