It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize