i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
