Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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