office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
