im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I supernannyed him into submission
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
