We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
