There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
