a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
