just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
