Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize