you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How's work?
Spinning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
