The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
