made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
