It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
